Anger is a normal human reaction when things do not go the way we intended, however when it becomes out of control into a rage, it can ruin friendships, relationships, family and even careers. So how do we identify triggers that may impact our emotions?

Anger expressed in outbursts occur when our emotions dictate our behaviour, so below are simple steps to help you break the cycle and take control.

The better you understand your anger, the more likely you are to manage your feelings and behaviour, and cope with your emotions (Karmin, 2017). It takes time and practice to change is our thought process or our distorted thinking style.

So, what is the cycle of anger?

1. An unpleasant, external trigger or stimuli (something that has just occurred).
2. Irrational thinking starts circulating. Usually negative thoughts, jumping to conclusions.
3. Thoughts that lead to unpleasant emotions, which lead to physical symptoms; clenching fists, grinding teeth, tightness in your muscles.
4. Lastly, unnecessary outbursts, arguing, yelling, crying or silence or withdrawing.

Things to do to break the above cycle.

1. Excuse yourself to leave. It is better to leave and physically remove yourself from the stressful situation. It is okay to walk away if you feel you are about to respond with rage. Walking away will deescalate the situation and allow you to self-regulate.
2. Practice some deep breathing exercises allowing your body to relax.
3. If you have a quiet space, listen to some guided meditation.
4. Listen to some uplifting or soothing music.
5. Play a musical instrument.
6. Engage in a physical activity, whether a brisk walk, jog, run.
7. Watch/listen to some comedy, either a movie or You Tube clips. A good laugh is an effective way to de stress.
8. Journal – Ask yourself, what are your thoughts right now? What are you physical and emotional symptoms right now? How have you previously helped calm yourself in this situation? What works, what doesn’t work?
9. When you have had time to self-regulate, reflect on the situation, write down what happened, what triggered you. How can communicate this to the person in a calm manner ensuring you are using the “I feel…” statements. Also ensuring both parties are available to talk and in a calm manner and work toward a solution not the problem.

Remember, you can only allow others to trigger you if you cannot control your thoughts in a rational way. Practice often to control your thoughts, especially when the situations arises. Take notice as you get better at it, and make sure you praise yourself! It is okay to become frustrated, however it is not okay to deliver the message in a non-respectful manner.